Vanity

Sometimes I think I shouldn't have a blog because I don't update often... or that maybe I'm writing publicly in vain, and I should just resort to the pen and paper diary format I was oft-familiar with for so many years.

Then I remember that I am writing for an audience of at least one, and that's me, and that's all that matters. Of course, I like sharing my thoughts, but really -- writing is a release for me. I just go through periods where I need it more than others.

I think of my blogging as an act of positivity, but I can't help but think that for some, it's one of vanity. I don't write for sport, but for sanity. I just irks me when I see a word, a sentence, a blurb that screams, "Look at me! Look at me!" People should pay attention because they want to, not because you're making them.

The most electrifying people are unaware of the affect they have on others, inadvertently making their presence known. Something about being natural is so appealing, about being real that is so attractive. It's a maturity that you can't learn -- you either have it or you don't.

Do I have it? Well... I don't know, to be quite honest. Really though, a little vanity saves the sanity. It's only human. But if I say I have it, then I'm completely aware of it and it's not as natural as the ideal in my mind. If I say I don't, then maybe I'm just admitting to being self-absorbed and attention-starved.

Only those around me know and whatever it is I'm doing, I must not be doing such a bad job, because I'm still surrounded by those I love and love me back, and that alone is a happy enough life for me.